Trulyrandom.net

Hi,

I recived this e-mail a couple of weeks ago and I thought it was so funny I share it with you guys.

1. Left hand, right hand, it doesn’t matter, I’m amphibious. – Charles Shackleford
To be fair? He can actually breathe underwater too.
 
2. Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win. – Doug Collins
Almost? What happens the other times?
 
3. I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father. – Greg Norman
And all of his other parents he failed to mention.
 
4. Rich Folkers is throwing up in the bullpen. – Jerry Coleman
He’s sick? I hope he can still pitch today.
 
5. The drivers have one foot on the brake, one on the clutch, and one on the throttle. – Bob Varsha
Now thats impressive driving.
 
6. You can sum up this sport [boxing] in two words: You never know.?? – Lou Duva
Only two? OK, can’t argue with that.
 
7. When you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout and you’re getting your ass hammered by guys, there’s no better feeling than to have that done. – Matt Stairs
Umm? what?
 
8. The NFL, like life, is full of idiots. -  Randy Cross
Truer words were never spoken.
 
8. He’s a guy who gets up at six o?clock in the morning regardless of what time it is. – Lou Deva again.
OK…?
 
10. You don’t like to see hookers going down on players like that. – Murry Mexted
I guess in context it makes sense?
 
11. I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf. – Tug Mcgraw
After being asked if he preferred grass or Astroturf, the Tugger responded with this gem.

12. Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical. – Yogi Berra
And just because Yogi gave us so many, a bonus: If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
 
13. We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees. – Jason Kidd
So, you’re going to turn it all the way around and continue in the direction it was originally going? On second thought, maybe you should stay in college Jason.
 
14. He treats us like men, He lets us wear earrings. – Torrin Polk
That’s the most important thing a college football coach can offer his team. Earings.
 
15. Reporter: Did you visit the Parthenon while in Greece?
Shaquille O’Neill: I can?t really remember the names of all the clubs we went to.
At least you well represented the NBA while there, Shaq.

Do you know of any funny sports quotes, if so please drop us a comment below!

Hey!
I get many e-mails and a lot of them are pretty strange, but this I thought was just plain funny.

Enjoy.

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the
milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want
three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have forty two cows.
You count them again and learn you have two cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows.
None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your
country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

Do you have any funny, two cow jokes? Share them below!

Hello,

This is probably old news now but I found it pretty cool.
A worker at CERN offered to explain how the LHC works by producing a rapp song about it.  Her name is “Kate McAlpine” (her rapper name “alpinekat”).  Aged 24 she wrote the lyrics whilst on her 40 minute bus commute from Geneva to the CERN site.

Personally I think it’s amazing.  Here it is.

Hi,

To all of you who have a younger sister (around 5 years old) you probably know she does some cute and funny (and sometimes annoying) things, but this is one of the weirdest things my sister has done.

The other day, just after tying her dolly to the car, she instantaneously decided to build a spaceship and incredibly the whole ship can be made out of only the following (someone should tell NASA);

1. Three Shirts (long sleeve)

2. Piece of string

3. Tin Foil

Apparently it has (in this order) 1. the Handlebar 2. the Front Engine 3. the Back Engine 4. A Sign telling the animals (whatever they are doing on there) ‘do not make too much noise’.  I asked her why it doesn’t have anything else, no accomodation area or anything and she said the spaceship was only for short journeys and so didn’t need beds or toilets. I wonder where she is getting the funding from…

Thanks for Reading, Dan!

PS. Patent Pending!